dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's just like the Real World with babies
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
