I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
