Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
