Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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