dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
