Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The adults are the big ones right?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
