Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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