Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
