Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
