I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
