his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
