This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
