I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
