hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
