tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
