If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
