somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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