I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
