I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
