you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
