I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize