I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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