ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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