How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
