I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
