She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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