i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
