I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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