My sheets look like a crime scene.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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