I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
