Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
