Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
