Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
