Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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