this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
