Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
