He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
