I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize