a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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