I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Are we still banned from the library?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
