Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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