Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
