my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
