I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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