Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize