He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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