She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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