It's Friday. Sex?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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