I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
