Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
