I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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