Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
