I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
