She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
