Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
