If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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