i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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