ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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