You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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