Where did you get a picture of my penis
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
