i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
