Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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