I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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