So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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