Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
