Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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