I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
