Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
