Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
