I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
