i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
