I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
whose parrot is this?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
