so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
not ubering you a puppy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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