My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
