hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
