So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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