it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
