No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
