he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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