you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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