Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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