If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
