I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
