You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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