Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
