Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just googled if crying burns calories
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
