So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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