I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize