He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
