he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
