do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you didnt know i had herpes?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
