i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
