This is not my ceiling
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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