shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Couch. On fire.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
