i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
