So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
