super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
