You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think your dad took our porno
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
