The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
