just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
