One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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