Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
