Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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